We are in our eighth, almost ninth, week of being a trans-racial foster family with three biological children and two foster children. It just so happens, the children that have been led to our door happen to have skin colors that do not match with ours and so we are identified as being a trans-racial family quite quickly. You see, when we were asked what preferences we had in whom we would be willing to foster and/or adopt, my husband and I felt confident that we needed only a couple criteria met. We communicated that the children should probably be 6 or under so that we could keep a relatively similar birth order to what we currently have in our home. I am told by a close friend who is my family psychology go-to person (and working on her Ph.D. in Psychology already having a Masters in Social Work...she's got the credentials and knowledge, y'all) that this is smart--she states that the data supports keeping with a similar birth order that already exists in a family when adopting because this helps, rather than hinders, the adjusting family dynamic for the most part (disregarding those aggravating statistical outliers). When prompted to provide preferences, we also stated that with already having three biological children, we did not feel that a placement of a child with severe physical disabilities with us would be best for the sake of both that child and considering the level of disruption that our family could handle. However, outside of those criteria, we had no preference for religion, culture, location of origin, race, demographic background, if they were blind, if they had learning disabilities, if they were born already addicted to substances, or gender. This point is important but bear with me as I set the stage a little more for the message God is reverberating in my heart.
As I look at the five children living in our home, there are so many emotions that mix together in my heart. As they quietly play without any arguing (for those brief two minutes), when they voice (with whatever level of communication is developmentally appropriate) that they want to be cuddled, when I am able to scratch their backs, scratch their arms, scratch their heads, rub their backs, and stroke their cute little cheeks, and when we sing or dance or read together, my heart is overflowing with that ooey-gooey emotional love feeling that makes it feel so good to be their (foster) mom. When they are arguing, it has hit that really difficult time of day between snack time and dinner time before John has come home, when one of the children has gone to time out for the umpteenth time, when there is screaming and gnashing of teeth at bedtime, and when my patience is running super thin, there are feelings of frustration and doubt. When I watch one be kind to another, one teach another something they have learned, when I hear them pray or say the blessing, when I hear them use the manners John and I have taught them to use, and when I see them excel at reaching a goal they have set their minds to, my heart is filled with pride. There are so many other emotions--so many in fact, that at the end of the day they culminate into exhaustion. However, I was not prepared for one emotion that I have felt over eight to nine weeks and that I am still learning to deal with. In foster/adoptive parent training (MAPP), they warned us about this emotion. They said we would encounter it especially when the world outside of our immediate family did not quite understand the situation, our family, did not know us, or had their own baggage or internal battles to deal with when considering our foster/adoptive parenting journey. My final emotion that I battle with is anger. To be honest, this one snuck/sneaked (I will leave it up to the grammar police) up on me. Anger likes to rear its ugly head when I see people give our family disapproving looks (not the innocent curious ones--there is a difference), when it feels like perhaps all seven of our children are all not being treated equally, when communication with John and I may convey that maybe someone thinks that this is all just temporary and they should not worry with getting attached to our two foster babies, and when others treat us as if we are ignorant. I want you to hear me, I recognize that sometimes this anger may be irrational because people just do not get it, that the two babies may return to their parent one day, that people may be protecting their own hearts, and that in a lot of ways, John and I are still ignorant. God is sanctifying us in this experience (as He is in all of our challenging life experiences) in an uncomfortable let-Me-teach-you-what-grace-looks-like kind of way. He is also reminding us to be confident in where He has led us.
Where are you going with this, Melissa? I say all of this to now say, that John and I are not worried with whether or not the world agrees or disagrees with transracial fostering or adoption, we do not worry with whether others' baggage keeps them from getting close to our family, while we do need to be more attentive to self-care these days, we are not worried about having enough energy and love for all of the babies in our home, we do not believe in withholding love in fear that we will not have enough to pour out later, we are not worried about getting attached only to watch these two babies return to their parent, we are seeking resources to become better educated (thank you authors, bloggers and Facebook support groups), and we are walking with God every day to get better at living out this life that He has raised us to live. In so many ways, John and I are very different (John - INTP, Melissa - ESFJ...need I say more?)--however, in the most important way, we are the same. We love Jesus. When I say we love Him, I mean, we love Him in a reckless abandonment kind of way. We did not enter this journey of adding to our family through fostering and/or adopting because we wanted to be good people but because we love HIM and He has commanded us to love others. Simply, John and my approach to fostering and adoption is a Gospel-centered approach. We started this walk trusting in God, His very clear messages to His children, and we continue to abide in Him every day so that we may receive discernment, Holy rest, wisdom, His agape love, His conviction, His forgiveness His grace, His mercy, and His sacrifice so that we can turn around and pour out those things on others. In fact, in the days that I feel like I have nothing left to give, I usually remember that it was a day that He and I had not had some quality time. He is so faithful.
What does this Gospel-centered approach to fostering and adopting look like for us?
Denying fleshly categories and seeing ourselves and others in Christ
In Christ, our identity is not tied to color of skin, our culture, our ethnic background, the region of the world or country we are from, or whether or not we are Gentiles. How could we possibly deny loving others and adopting them into our home when God lavished His grace on us, adopted us into His sonship through Jesus' blood? God sought to bring us into unity through Him and so to categorize or deny love (intentionally or not) toward others based on fleshly categories is just that, of the flesh. We choose to be one with the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 1: 4-14
"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love
he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory."
Jesus is the firstborn of many brothers
Family is not about who is related through the inheritance of traits, who grew up in the same household, lineage, and most importantly, who was born by the same mother and/or the same father. In Christ, it does NOT MATTER who is born to whom as long as we are reborn in Him. In our family, there is no stranger or foreigner. Our doors are spread wide to receive those who Christ has led us to or led to our door. There are no tribes, tongues, nations, or languages that will be turned away. Christ freely adopted us into His family and so we freely welcome others. Most beautifully, when we choose Christ after He so graciously chose us, we become the Church--a united body in Christ. Also, by the way, God does not just welcome us in a earthly hospitable way. John and I cannot fathom the idea of welcoming children into our home and then just politely passing the time working to just meet their basic needs until they return to their parent--how unholy that seems to us! When we became fellow citizens of God, it did not come without a price! God made an ultimate sacrifice, there was suffering, Christ was pressed until he sweat blood, there were temptations, there were oh so many hardships! To follow Christ meant denying everything about oneself to follow Him. When children come into our home--and I hope when you come into our home--we hope to lavish just a fraction of the love on you that we have been given in Christ. We know that we are sacrificing, we recognize it is uncomfortable, and y'all, it is hard some days. I have a chair in the corner of my room that has become a meeting place for God and I that has included some ugly tears. It is hard. But so was sacrificing One's son, so was pressing onward knowing that One's life was to be the sacrifice for the world, so was taking up the cross, so was feeling foresaken even for only a moment. Jesus set a radical example that we are trying to live out and teach our children to live out...all of our children, that is.
Ephesians 2: 17-22
"He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
Hebrews 13: 11-16
"The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."
To withhold from the least of these is to turn away Jesus
In the parable of the Sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25, Jesus instructs his disciples that they should seek to serve by providing food to the hungry, water to the thirsty, a home to a stranger, clothes to those in need, care for those who are sick and visit those in prison. He goes on to say that by doing these things for the "least of these" we are doing these things for Him. But in our home, we believe this parable should be taken a step further than its literal meaning. Of course we are providing the basic physical needs--all children have full bellies, are fully hydrated, are clothed (even when they would not prefer it), are given warm beds, and are provided medical care when sick. In fact, when they are in time out, we even visit them and release them eventually (that was kind of a joke...you can laugh). More than physical needs, we also believe that Jesus is calling us to feed them with biblical Truth, start them with pure spiritual milk, surround them in a home that has God's promises written on the walls and that raises them to grow in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man, that teaches them to rest in the Holy Spirit, that clothes them in righteousness as well as in the armor of God, that teaches them that we are all sick and needy of the One True God, and that without Him, we are imprisoned in the flesh. We believe both physical and spiritual needs must be met--no matter who they are or what they look like or where they came from or what obstacles may stand in our way. God just did not flippantly entrust these children to us as parents. His trust carries a weight of responsibilities.
Matthew 25: 31-46
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
If you are still with me and still reading, I have never promised to be concise. I think about the lyrics of "Light the Fire"...."I stand to praise you, but I fall on my knees. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak. So light a fire, in my weary soul! Fan the flame, make my spirit whole! Lord you know, just where I've been so light the fire in my heart again!" We do not get all of this right 100% of the time, but by the grace of God, He makes our spirit whole which allows for us to repent and work on getting it right next time. My prayer for us and for the world is that we would find our identities in Christ, we would look to our right and our left and we would see others the way that Jesus sees them, we would not withhold any love, grace or mercy for them, and that we would all unite together to feed the spiritually hungry whether that means bringing them into our home to share the gospel or sacrificing something of the flesh for that person's eternal reward. Jesus does not call for us to marginalize, hold back, hide Him, or be greedy.
Mark 12: 30-31
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
No comments:
Post a Comment